Unlike Luke Rhinehart, I have no plans to add
contingencies such as ‘<1> says go and rape Arlene’ (the curvaceous wife
of his colleague). He roles a <1>, of course. In fact, she is readily
complicit in what is more of a seduction than a rape, but these are moral
complications I really, really don’t want in my life. Or approve of.
So reader, rather than being an exhilarating read documenting the transformation of a mundane life into something outrageous and extraordinary, this is more likely to be a tedious, self-indulgent description of a moderately troubled middle aged guy trying to get to grips with his depression and first world problems.Don’t howl ‘I’ve been cheated’ when that is all you get. On the other hand, the whole point of the dice is that I don’t know what they’ll do. It will always be some combination of fate and my imagination. Not knowing quite where this will lead is kind of the point. I need to read on to find out what happens, just as you do.
So reader, rather than being an exhilarating read documenting the transformation of a mundane life into something outrageous and extraordinary, this is more likely to be a tedious, self-indulgent description of a moderately troubled middle aged guy trying to get to grips with his depression and first world problems.Don’t howl ‘I’ve been cheated’ when that is all you get. On the other hand, the whole point of the dice is that I don’t know what they’ll do. It will always be some combination of fate and my imagination. Not knowing quite where this will lead is kind of the point. I need to read on to find out what happens, just as you do.
Since starting, I’ve so far been using the dice
occasionally to make very dull, practical decisions.
Should I leave the voluble Pete now and get on with
some work, or stay for another cuppa and laugh at more of his tales and
fantastic word play. Odds, I stay. Double <3>. See you later Pete.
Should I run to Aylesford (evens, easy) or over
Bluebell Hill (odds, will half kill me in my dilapidated state). On that
occasion I rolled double <1> to much relief. Yet I’m still doing
something, when I would have done nothing. Broadly speaking, I’m trying to use
the dice to force me to make beneficial, therapeutic choices.
What’s with all these doubles?
On Monday January 21st, I’m in London for a meeting
and agree to meet Sophie for dinner. Good to make the best of a trip to London
as money is a bit tight these days. I know she will not want to stay out late
but I don’t have to return home until midnight, so I turn to Facebook and ask
London-based friends for suggestions for free/cheap late evening activities
from which the dice could choose. Quite quickly I have a range of enticing
choices, but one stand out proposal. Jane says come to dinner with her and
Cliff. Two beautiful friends I haven’t seen in over a year. Being neither Luke
Rhinehart, nor an idiot, I don’t allow the dice to decide my destiny this
evening. To decline would be stupid and I don't. Sophie joins us too for a
pretty perfect evening.
This is an example of something I hadn’t anticipated.
Simply being dice-minded generates options I hadn’t previously had, irrespective
of whether the dice are allowed to choose them.
This early evidence of the value of the dice is
encouraging. I wonder if it will be sustained?
27th January, 2014
I think at the point you feel it hasn't sustained, then it will have worked. People forget what a cunt making decisions is when depressed. Having been through depression - severe and less so - throughout the past 30 years or so I still when not depressed forget so much about it. I guess this is where the "Rainy day letter" comes in - but I have to say I would rail against that. I'd prefer the dice. The wonders it could throw up and the nasties too. Keep on keeping on there. Sx
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of completeness, I hope I remember to roll the dice with an option of terminating the blog, should I start to feel that their work is ended. If I were a reader, I think I'd find it annoying if I suspected it simply petered out because the writer got bored. For a blog on depression, another darker conclusion can readily enough be imagined; however, although that might produce a temporary spike in the number of page views, this is a narrative arc I'm quite keen to avoid.
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